An introvert is more than just a shy person. They are usually sensitive, thoughtful, perceptive, reliable as a friend, good listeners and sticklers for routine. But their natural aversion to being subjected to the laser focus of the limelight means they can also retreat and hide. This separation from being involved can have its downfalls, especially as we age.
Because, while introverts are not exactly “lonely” because they often have a close knit small circle of friends, they can choose to isolate themselves, which means they could be cutting off essential connections with the world around them, and so increasing their chances of heightened anxiety, depression, even dementia.
BACP-accredited psychotherapist Lorraine Collins explains that life gets smaller for many of us as we age, and it requires courage and diligence to get out there and participate. “There is a saying, ‘as you get older the road gets narrower’.
“It takes work to be social, engage in activities and push yourself to try new things. With age, and especially if you have an introvert personality, that might become more challenging. Plus, it’s normal to become fearful about certain things which we once enjoyed without a second thought.”
So when does an introvert’s tendency to opt for retreat as a way of protecting their sensitive feelings slide in to something more isolating and damaging to their health?
Hyper anxiety
It’s important for an introvert to understand they will struggle more with stimuli and this may have a knock-on effect. Not only do they feel things deeply, studies show that introverts can have more blood flow to the brain’s frontal lobes, the area that controls cognitive function including problem-solving and impulse control. Also, an introvert’s brain may be more sensitive to acetylcholine, a chemical messenger for communication between brain cells and associated with internal thinking and concentration.
When introverts pass into a hyper state of anxiety, the stress hormones, cortisol and adrenalin, enter the body, creating the fight-or-flight response. Although this isn’t dangerous – because once the perceived threat has passed the body returns to its normal state – being someone who experiences intense stress more regularly can put you at more risk of digestive problems, headaches, muscle tension, sleep disorders and high blood pressure which could increase the chance of heart attack or stroke.
Collins says: “The world can seem intimidating to this personality type, and for some there is still the echo of the pandemic and the anxiety it created. When it comes to building relationships with others, it’s inevitable there will be the possibility of rupture, simply because we’re all different and rupture is part of being in a relationship. An introvert might shy away from that potential stress, choosing to cut themselves off and avoid connection. But regular, meaningful contact with others improves cognitive function, and it’s like any other muscle – if you don’t use it, you lose it.”
Feeling disconnected
Extroverts get a lot of positive affirmation: they are the life and soul of every occasion, fun to be around, always on the go, intrinsically involved. Then, in the opposite pigeonhole, introverts often get tarred with a negative narrative.
“And with that can come a sense of shame,” says Collins. “It’s as though they have something lacking, which is nonsense of course, but in our everyday world and on social media, there is a lot of pressure to stand out, make yourself seen and heard, and to be living a glossy life. While an introvert may not be this person, they might still want to be noticed and appreciated. When this doesn’t happen, they can feel vulnerable and lonely, perhaps asking themselves why they are on the periphery of life, and whether they are good enough. I see this going on in my practice; people reveal an innate sadness about their status.
“But once they feel safe enough to verbalise what’s going on, their relief is huge. Then I can help them to understand the difference between self-protection and avoidance, and together we can gentle strengthen the social ‘muscle’. It’s not about becoming an extrovert, it’s about feeling comfortable with who you are.”
Joel Morgan, 56, a divorcee, admits, “The older I’ve got, the more I struggle with pushing myself forward. Most people are wrapped up in their own lives; they seem to be in their routines, friendship groups established, just getting on with stuff. I can spend days where I don’t see another soul, and while I know that’s not great, it’s hard to get out there. I’ve noticed, especially at this time of year with the gloomier weather, I feel a certain flatness and disconnection with society.”
Social isolation
While most of us are aware of the dangers of being lonely as we age, researchers from China and the UK have found that it’s social isolation (the amount of contact you have with other people), not loneliness (the emotional response to a lack of connection), which is linked to lower brain volume in the areas of the brain associated with learning and thinking. These are the areas typically among the first to be affected by dementia.
Dr Richard Oakley, Associate Director of Research and Innovation at Alzheimer’s Society, says: “Dementia is the UK’s biggest killer and continues to devastate lives, but it’s not an inevitable part of ageing. Some research shows that people who are socially active are at lower risk of dementia.
“However, the relationship between social isolation and dementia is complex. Isolation has been identified as a risk factor by leading experts who authored The Lancet Commission on Dementia, part-funded by Alzheimer’s Society, but it can also be a consequence of the disease itself.
“What we do know is that staying socially connected helps build what’s known as cognitive reserve – the brain’s ability to cope with damage such as diseases like Alzheimer’s. Social interaction can strengthen resilience, reduce stress and boost mood, all of which support brain health.”
How to reduce your risk if you’re an introvert
Celebrate your strengths
Avoid falling into the trap of the negative narrative. Introverts have many great qualities and it’s important to feel proud of these. Think about yourself positively and present yourself to others in an equally constructive way. Often introverts are great listeners, and other people are keen to feel heard, so this gives you the chance to make connections without doing all the chatting.
Say ‘yes’ to new experiences
Be aware that your tendency may be to say ‘no’ too quickly. Try to be open to experiences. Okay, so you may not want to play the lead in the local amateur dramatics group, but you might have fun handing out the programs. Not being in the limelight doesn’t have to mean being in the shadows.
Collins adds: “You want to be ‘a part of, not apart from’. Research local small groups – maybe a book or walking group – with like-minded people and where you can be yourself without pressure.”
Take risks
Lorraine Collins says, “Take an exquisite risk. This is basically doing the opposite of what your head is saying. Talk to a stranger in a coffee shop or smile at someone in the street. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but behaving differently to your norm means you are taking small positive steps.”
Avoid social media
Detox from social media and its pressure to compare and despair. Or cherry pick the more neutral or feel-good sites for your personality.
Take time to recharge
Allow for some reprieve after being social. Introverts need time alone to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Enjoy your time alone – you’re an introvert after all. There is nothing wrong with seclusion in small amounts. But it can become a problem when it dominates your world.