Celebrity nutritionist Rujuta Diwekar, known for her long-standing professional association with actor Kareena Kapoor, sparked a conversation on social media regarding the institution of marriage. Also read | What is the best age to marry? Pros and cons of marrying in your 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond
In a January 13 Instagram post, she urged parents to stop viewing marriage as a fix-it tool for adolescent behaviour or a way to offload parental responsibilities. Her message was clear and provocative as she wrote in her caption, “Don’t punish your daughter with shaadi (marriage).”
Rujuta highlighted three common, yet flawed and 'ridiculous' reasons parents often cite when rushing their daughters into matrimony:
Fear of romance
In the video she posted, Rujuta shared that parents often panic when a daughter falls in love in her late teens or early 20s. She argued that love was a natural part of youth and should be managed with guidance on safety and career focus, rather than a forced wedding to save face.
She said in Hindi, “Don't marry off your daughters for these three ridiculous reasons. Number one: my daughter has fallen in love with someone, so before she ruins her reputation, I will get her married. Invariably, when we think like this, our daughters' ages are 18, 19, 20, or 21 at most. Look, if she doesn't enjoy the pleasures of love in her youth, when will she? She won't be able to enjoy them in old age. So, let her enjoy the pleasures of love, but also tell her to stay safe and focus on her education and career. It shouldn't be that she leaves everything else and wastes all her time in love.”
Family pressure
Addressing mothers specifically, she noted that the whims of husbands or mothers-in-law should never dictate a daughter’s life and marriage timeline. She said, “The second ridiculous reason: my mother-in-law and my husband are after me to get my daughter married. Tell the mother-in-law and husband to find some other pastime. My daughter is not ready for marriage yet; she cannot get married just because the thought occurred to you.”
Digital distraction
She slammed the idea of marrying off a daughter simply because she spends too much time on her phone. Rujuta stressed that phone addiction was an issue that required parental boundaries and screen-free zones — not a change in marital status.
She said, “And the third ridiculous reason: she stays on her phone full-time. Now, if a girl is on her phone full-time, what is the duty of the parents? It is to tell her not to spend so much time on the phone and to put a ban on phone use. You should create a screen zone at home. But you should not marry her off and send her away just so you don't have to watch her pass the time on the phone. Every young boy and girl spends time on the phone because the phone's design makes them addicted. Make them aware that the phone is an addiction. Tell them to stay away from it and focus on their studies, submissions, career, and health.”
The 3 'qualifications' for marriage
Instead of rushing into matrimony due to social pressure, Rujuta encouraged parents to support their daughters in prioritising higher education and financial independence. Rather than focusing on age or social suitability, she proposed a rigorous three-point checklist that every woman should fulfill before marriage is even discussed:
1. According to Rujuta, the daughter's education must be complete, providing a solid intellectual foundation. She said, “Now, I would like to tell you the three qualifications that qualify your daughter for marriage. Number one: her studies are now completely finished.”
2. It wasn't just about earning; Rujuta explained it was about being 'recession-proof' and capable of handling disruptions like artificial intelligence (AI) or market shifts. She said, “The second qualification: my daughter now earns money herself, and not just earns, but has a guarantee of a job and income. This means that if there are fluctuations in the market, if there is AI disruption, or if anything else happens, my daughter will still be able to take care of herself and her finances properly. She will be able to take care of the family as well; you must make her that capable.”
3. Rujuta concluded that a woman must be 'sensible' enough to know exactly what she wants from her career, her future partner, and herself. “The third point is that my daughter has now become sensible [mature]. Sensible means she now knows what she wants from her life, what she wants from her future husband, what she wants from herself, and what she wants in her career. Once she understands this, she can get married,” she explained.
The right to say 'no'
The core of Rujuta’s message was a plea for female autonomy. She highlighted that even after a woman is educated, financially stable, and mature, the final decision remains hers. Her message to parents? Let your daughters live a life of peace “Once these three qualifications are met, only then ask her: 'Do you feel like getting married now?' And if she says, 'No, leave me alone', then listen to her,” she said.
Many commented on Rujuta's post and lauded her for shifting the focus from 'settling down' to 'stepping up' in life. Some said Rujuta's advice served as a modern manifesto for Indian parents, encouraging them to prioritise their daughters' peace and independence over societal expectations.
A comment read, “Loved the way you explained it...” Someone also said, “Set her on the path of education and growth and then ask her to get married so she chooses from a sense of abundance and not from a place of lack.”
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.