The word 'performative’ has become the latest buzzword on social media, and everyone seems to share their two cents. If someone does something, it is tragically downplayed and mocked as being solely ‘for the optics.’
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Internet culture gravitates towards being ‘nonchalant' - do not reply too quickly, play it cool; do not show too much excitement or curiosity on your dates, keep it low-key.
Of course, existing in a public sphere, from hanging out with friends, seizing opportunities at work, or scrolling on social media, also comes with being seen and perceived. The fear of being perceived drives the anxiety of being ‘cringe.’
But is feeling deeply really so wrong and embarrassing?
Take it from Ariana Grande, Grammy-winning pop icon and Hollywood actor, who explained why being vulnerable and candid about your feelings is actually a good thing.
What did Ariana Grande say?
"I think the whole 'cringe', whatever, is just so unfair. I love so much, I am so grateful to feel so much, you know, we should be able to be happy and it not be like corny or cringe or classified as something like that. Being passionate about something, loving people, being happy about something, being excited about something, that's the best. Why do you want me to be sitting here numb?"
She said this on the podcast of Shut Up Evan on October 24, 2025.
What did Ariana Grande mean?
There's no need to gatekeep your emotions; as a human, the very point is to feel and be expressive. With that logic, there's no requirement to tone it down and appear as though nothing affects you. As Grande rightfully questioned, not being expressive does not make you cool; it simply means being ‘numb.’
The fear of being labelled ‘cringe’ pushes you into a box, putting a lid on sincerity for the sake of aesthetics and approval. This kind of emotional policing can be detrimental to your well-being in the long run, as being ‘numb’ often means bottling up your emotions.
The pop star voiced a concern many people share: feeling ‘too much’ and being judged for it. But that very judgment forces you to filter and suppress your emotions, which is not your authentic self.
Your fear of being seen as performative and suppressing your true self is, ironically, what makes you more performative. Being aloof is not going to level up your ‘aura points.’ It is actually ‘giving dry NPC energy.’
Why is Ariana Grande's advice so important?
Getting the ick and second-guessing, before you post your lovely photo dump (because that's too much, what will people say?), or side-eyeing that friend who makes all the plans (try-hard much? ), may seem casual. But deep down, these everyday hesitations (and being critical) indicate how the fear of being perceived has everyone in a chokehold, subconsiously editing, so that you look controlled and cool.
The ‘performative’ final boss on social media often is depicted as someone with wired headphones, reading Kafka or Dostoevsky, sipping matcha, wearing baggy clothes and carrying a tote bag.
But what if someone genuinely likes all of these, without performing or trying to fit in? Since choices like these are usually met with side-eyes, anyone who enjoys things that fall into the so-called ‘performative’ category (which is basically everything at this point) then they actively begin to shrink themselves.
In the long run, giving in to this constant scrutiny erodes your true identity, creating someone you don't even recognise.
As Ariana pointed out, you end up becoming ‘numb,' creating a distance from your own voice and, most importantly, diluting your sense of self. You may think being ‘nonchalant’ carries an air of conviction, but it takes greater strength to be unflinchingly yourself.
This is why being yourself, even embracing the most ‘embarrassing’ parts of your personality, is liberating. It frees you from the pressure of being palatable to everyone. You are not meant to cater to universal taste. When you try to do that, you stop existing as a full human being- and become an extension of a mere concept, lacking individuality.