Keeping up with the ever-evolving vocabulary of Gen Z can often feel like learning a foreign language without a dictionary. While older generations struggle to distinguish between the terms, many of them actually describe complex social feelings. One such term that has dominated the dating discourse is "The Ick". It can be explained as that sudden, inexplicable jolt of cringeworthy realisation that can turn a blossoming romance into a total shutdown in a matter of seconds.
What is “the Ick”?
It is the negative reaction to someone’s behaviour, personality traits or mannerisms. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but it is often triggered by the most mundane behaviours, like the way someone's voice cracks, how they hold a spoon, or how their face looks when they concentrate on something.
“This is not a new concept, but I think social media has brought it to life and given it a new name,” Psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, told Cleveland Clinic. “It’s that gross factor that we feel with people who have done something that turns our stomachs or just makes us feel achy inside.”
“The Ick” factor can come at any time, and it can come suddenly and without any warning. It can be triggered within a few minutes of a first date or even between couples who are dating for a long time.
“When you pay attention to icks that aren’t really dealbreakers, there may be a deeper issue there,” said Dr Childs. “Maybe you need to step back and look at the relationship for what it really is. Would those be dealbreakers in any other relationship? If they wouldn’t be, then what’s the real problem?”
How do people use the term?
Here is a social media post that perfectly sums up the term.
Why do people get “the ick”?
Dr Childs explained, “Sometimes, we can see things in other people that we don’t necessarily like to see in ourselves and we make it about something it’s actually not about.”
Are “the icks” red flags?
No, both are very different concepts. The doctor shared, “If a person is degrading you, calling you names, abusing you mentally, emotionally or spiritually, those are real things that affect your morals and values,” adding, “But if someone is using the wrong utensil at dinner or misspelling their text messages, those may be things you can discuss and work through if you truly care about them.”
Though the ick behaviour may seem trivial at first, it is often a protective response. A recent study linked the ick with personality traits like narcissism and perfectionism. It is titled, “The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds.”
The study found that “Women were significantly more likely than men to have prior knowledge of the term 'the ick' before reading its definition.” The study sample included “74 men (59%) and 51 women (41%), ages ranging from 24 to 72 years.”
“We examined the ick as a form of romantic aversion and identified disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism as correlates of heightened rejection responses. Women reported greater familiarity with and more frequent experiences of the ick than men,” the study said.
Does “the ick” make dating life better?
As per the study, “While some ick responses may signal subtle cues of incompatibility, many appear to reflect aversions to behaviours with little bearing on long-term relationship success. Whether heightened ick responses help people avoid poor mate choices or contribute to overly rigid rejection thresholds remains an open question.”