The parent-child relationship is one of the most fundamental bonds, shaping the foundation for a child's emotional and social development. At the very heart of this relationship lies communication, which nurtures trust, understanding, and emotional connection.
But, navigating parent-child communication can be difficult at times due to an invisible barrier where children often feel that their parents ‘don't understand them,’ while parents may feel left out or disconnected from what is truly happening in their child's world because they don’t share as much. Sometimes, parents may unintentionally pressure their kids to open up, causing them to coil up and withdraw even further.
This gap can create feelings of frustration on both sides, making it even more important to find ways to bridge this divide and foster open, empathetic conversations.
In an interview with HT, Prakriti Poddar, global head of mental health and wellbeing at Roundglass Living shared why open communication is essential between parents and children and how to break communication barriers.
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Why open communication is crucial
Prakriti emphasised the importance of communication. By building a sense of transparency and honesty between parent and child, the bond deepens. This has many benefits for the children's wellbeing.
Prakriti highlighted that undivided attention and listening helps children feel ‘heard.’
She said, “Research shows that kids who feel heard by their parents are better equipped to handle stress and form healthy relationships later in life. As a parent, your core role is to raise a confident and capable human being who can positively contribute to the world, and communication is one of your greatest tools for helping your child grow. When kids know they can talk to their parents about anything—from a tough day at school to a tricky social situation—they’re less likely to bottle up their emotions or make impulsive decisions out of fear or confusion. So the next time your child says, ‘Can we talk?’ put everything aside and give them the floor. Those moments are the building blocks of trust and connection that last a lifetime.”
Why children are hesitant to open up
Children often hold back and refuse to completely open up to their parents. This may be due to several reasons. Prakriti explained that the lack of trust is not the issue. There are more underlying reasons as to why children are not confident in opening up.Prakriti gave a detailed breakdown of why children may be afraid.
- Past experience: Past experiences play a big role. If children have faced angry outbursts or anxiety from parents in the past, it’s natural for them to pull back, fearing the same reaction. And, truthfully, sometimes kids hold back just to protect their independence or avoid conflict altogether.
- Guilt/ Fear of punishment: A child might hide a bad grade because they’re terrified of disappointing their parents, or they might feel embarrassed and scared that their parents may overreact, won't understand or punish them.
How parents can reach out
Prakriti explained that the answer lies in ‘empathy’. By showing that parents can trust in their children no matter what, children start to feel safe and open up eventually.
Prakriti shared some tips to ease up the communication problems between parents and children:
- Give full attention: When the child is speaking, parents should put aside the distractions. No multitasking—just be fully present. Often, kids aren’t looking for advice. They just want to be heard.
- Offer unconditional love: Parents should let children know that they are on their children's team, no matter what. This doesn’t mean just saying it once in a while—it’s about showing up when children need their parents- whether giving a hug or a word of encouragement, or simply being there when they need to talk.
- Create a safe zone: This means no threats and no blame. Just a space where children can say what’s on their minds without fear of getting in trouble. For example, if the child is feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork or having a hard time with a particular subject, parents should reassure them that they can come to them without worrying about being judged or scolded.
- Be vulnerable too: Parents should share their own stories, and mess-ups. Children need to see that even their parents had their fair bit of challenges, too, but they have made it through eventually. Vulnerability builds connection. It shows them that mistakes aren’t the end of the world.
- Make time for fun: Sometimes the best conversations happen after a game of basketball or while taking a walk together. Shared experiences make it easier for children to open up because they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated. When parents are engaging in something fun together, it helps break down the power dynamics. Instead of feeling like they’re talking to a parent on a pedestal, kids feel more like equals, which makes them more comfortable being themselves.
Handling teenagers
The teenage years are challenging for both teenagers and parents. Teenagers often experience frequent mood swings, making it harder for parents to connect and reach out to them.
Prakriti explained that the part of the brain responsible for making sound decisions (the prefrontal cortex) won’t be fully developed until the child is about 25. For boys, it can be even longer. So when teens react to something, it’s usually their emotional centre (the amygdala) taking the wheel. This leads to all kinds of impulsive decisions, mood swings, and sometimes a lot of drama.
But again with empathy, trust and patience, parents can handle teenagers with care. Prakriti further shared a few tips on how to reach out to teenagers especially:
- Set boundaries together: Teenagers appreciate having a say in decisions that affect them, so involve them in creating the rules. Explain why certain boundaries are important and allow them to share their perspective. This collaboration helps them feel understood and makes it easier to find common ground.
- Celebrate their wins: Recognize their effort and achievements, big or small. Whether it’s acing a test or just sticking with a hobby, show them you’re proud in a way that resonates with them. A little praise can go a long way.
- Validate feelings: Acknowledge what they’re feeling instead of brushing it off. A simple ‘I can see that this is frustrating for you’ goes a long way.
Teenagers experience a wide range of emotions, so validating these feelings can encourage them to open up.
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