An Atlanta-based psychologist has revealed the subtle habits that commonly provoke children’s toughest behaviors.
Dr. Jazmine McCoy (@themompsychologist) shared five ways parents may be accidentally triggering their children in a carousel post on Instagram.
They included offering choices when a child is overwhelmed, trying to teach or correct while emotions are still running high and asking questions during dysregulation.
Each one, she explained, clashes with how a child’s nervous system responds under stress.
Among the five, McCoy, who is also a mom of three, told Newsweek that parents most often misinterpret the impact of asking questions mid-meltdown.
“We think we’re helping them process or teaching problem-solving, but mid-meltdown, their prefrontal cortex is literally offline,” she said. “Questions like ‘Why did you do that?’ or ‘What happened?’ require executive functioning they simply don’t have access to in that moment.”
What adults perceive as guidance lands instead as pressure. Children, already overwhelmed, suddenly feel they’re failing at answering too.
In her post, McCoy also explained that rushing children triggers a stress response and can actually create the very delays parents were trying to avoid.
Instead of saying, “We need to go right now! Come on, let’s go!” she encouraged families to give children an extra 10 to 15 minutes to complete the task they’ve been asked.
“When you can, physically join their world for 30 to 60 seconds,” she said. “Get down on the floor, comment on what they’re doing, then give the transition cue. Saying, ‘Let’s put on shoes when you finish that puzzle piece’ instead of ‘We need to go NOW’ gives children time to wrap up one activity before moving on to the another.”
Recognizing early signs of dysregulation can prevent meltdowns altogether. While each child has unique signals, McCoy often sees patterns: stalling, whining, sudden rigidity, difficulty completing easy tasks or exaggerated silliness.
She encouraged parents to think of a child’s nervous system as a cup that fills throughout the day.
“Every demand, transition, sensory input, or emotion adds to the cup,” McCoy said. “When the cup is full, anything can cause overflow.”
Predictable sleep, protein-rich meals, fewer transitions and consistent connection help keep capacity intact. Even language matters: she recommended a 1:5 ratio of corrections to positive or neutral statements to help maintain emotional balance.
Parents can, for instance, acknowledge small wins—“Great job brushing your teeth!”—right after a transition that tends to be contentious.
McCoy’s post has received almost 10,000 likes. The comments proved just how universal these challenges are for parents.
“It’s 2 and 4 for me!! This post is so validating and also so helpful,” one mom wrote.
“Number 5 was something I always did, luckily now I make sure we are all calm first,” another added.
A third user commented, “These are truly so good. I’m gonna be an even better mom because of this advice!!”
McCoy acknowledged the number of parents who felt “seen” by her post. “Parents don’t need more shame, they need practical strategies that acknowledge how hard this is,” she said.